Venezuela, Oil, Freedom: More Bullshit.
You know, folks, it's January 2026, and the news this week? Holy shit, it's like someone spiked the world's coffee with pure, uncut chaos. We've got the usual crap—politicians lying about the economy, celebrities pretending they give a fuck about anything but their own asses, and some billionaire tweeting memes while the planet burns. But the big one? The headline that's got everyone jerking off or crying in their lattes?
America just invaded Venezuela. Yeah, you heard me. On January 3rd, Trump sends in the troops—boom, airstrikes, helicopters, the whole Hollywood blockbuster treatment—and they snatch Nicolás Maduro like he's a shoplifter at Walmart. Drag him and his wife outta bed, fly 'em to New York, and Trump gets on TV going, "We're gonna run Venezuela now. Secure the oil. Make it great again." Or whatever the fuck he said. And half the world is cheering like we just cured cancer, while the other half is screaming "Imperialism! Hitler! Yankee go home!"
Let me break down the "highlights" of the week for you slow learners. Maduro— that bus driver turned dictator who's been squatting in the presidential palace for years—gets yoinked in a midnight raid. Explosions in Caracas, U.S. jets overhead, and suddenly the guy's in federal custody facing drug charges. Venezuelans are dancing in the streets, fireworks, hugging strangers, crying tears of joy. Exiles in Miami, Madrid, Chile—they're throwing parties like it's New Year's Eve on steroids. And Trump? He's strutting around saying we'll "run" the country until it's "safe," meaning we're grabbing those massive oil reserves—the biggest on the planet—and handing 'em to American companies. Oil prices dip a bit, markets shrug, because hey, more black gold for us!
Meanwhile, the leftists—the communists, the tankies, the folks who still think socialism works if you just try it harder—are losing their goddamn minds. "Invasion! Coup! Trump is the new Hitler!" They're protesting outside embassies, waving Maduro flags like he's some martyr. Evo Morales, some Brazilian clowns, even Mexican officials condemning it. But wait— these are the same people who spent years ignoring Maduro starving his own people, rigging elections, jailing opponents, and turning a rich country into a place where folks eat zoo animals and flee by the millions.
And the right? Oh, they're popping champagne. "Freedom! Democracy! We got the bad guy!" Yeah, sure. Because nothing says "spreading democracy" like bombing a country and installing yourself as temporary boss to "secure the oil." We did this shit before—Iraq, Libya, pick your flavor. We topple the dictator we don't like today (after propping up worse ones yesterday), grab the resources, and leave a mess. But this time it's quick—no endless war, just snatch and grab. Efficient imperialism. Progress!
Now, let's get honest about what's trending in Venezuela right now, because nobody else will. The people there? They're fucking ecstatic. Millions celebrating the end of a regime that crushed them—hyperinflation so bad money was wallpaper, blackouts, no medicine, gangs running wild. Eight million fled the country. That's not "U.S. propaganda"—that's reality. Maduro was a thug, a narco-linked authoritarian who stole elections and laughed about it. Good riddance.
But here's the uncomfortable truth, folks—the part that makes everyone squirm. This ain't about freedom. It's about oil. Always has been. Venezuela's sitting on more crude than Saudi Arabia, and we've wanted it cheap and flowing our way forever. Sanctions didn't work, diplomacy was a joke, so boom—military option. Trump says we're "running" it for a "safe transition." To what? Handing it to Edmundo González, the guy who actually won the election? Or to some puppet who keeps the pumps running for Exxon?
The hypocrisy is thicker than a politician's wallet. Lefties cry for the "sovereignty" of a dictator who murdered sovereignty daily. Right-wing hawks cheer "no more wars" while applauding this one because it's "quick." And the Venezuelans? They're free today, sure—but tomorrow? U.S. troops on their soil, American companies drilling their wealth, and if history's any guide, some new asshole rising up because we fucked the transition.
America: We hate dictators... unless they're useful. We love democracy... as long as the winner likes us. We fight for freedom... but really, it's the fucking oil, stupid.
And you know what's gonna happen next? We'll "rebuild" it, spend billions (your tax dollars), pat ourselves on the back, and in ten years, some new Maduro will pop up because we never fix the root—poverty, corruption, the human greed that turns power into poison.
But hey, at least the Venezuelans are partying tonight. Enjoy it while it lasts, kids. Freedom's a fleeting bitch in this world.
Wake the fuck up.
*(Drop mic. Lights down.)
End of Show
